Monday, July 8, 2019

This is one of my favorites...

First off, I love how they say "Today's Diagnoses Include." As in, "today" you have Bipolar II Disorder, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) recurrent, unspecified (as opposed to "recurrent, severe" and which may or may not include psychotic features, per the DSM-V, etc.), Personality disorder, unspecified, etc etc. 

I mean, I've had and been diagnosed with "them all" at one point or another in my life and the diagnoses are constantly changing and, of course, if you ask 5 psychologists and/or psychiatrists and/or "mental health professionals," you're likely to get 5 different opinions and diagnoses and 5 different prescriptions for a cocktail of powerful, mind-altering, psychotropic, highly controlled drugs. That's just my opinion of course, but it's based on my experiences and the evidence and the facts. But anyway, I just thought this was a "good one," I guess.

Am I crazy? I don't know. It appears like it. I mean, I'm definitely "a little bit crazy," I think I'd say. Do I have a very long history of what we, as a society, have deemed "mental illness"...yes. That's just a fact. But let's not forget some of the "rules" of logic and/or statistics here, right? Am I able to vouch for my lucidity? I don't know that I'd be able to make that determination, per the laws of logic. Right? I mean, I think I'm lucid (at least, part of the time), but at other times I'm not so sure. Who I am to say, really. Right? 

How would I even really know what's real and what's not if I weren't lucid? My brain hurts just thinking about this and I think I'm contradicting myself. I mean, I do know that I'm a human being and that I'm not perfect. I don't think that human beings can be "perfect." We're not math equations. This isn't physics. We aren't established laws of scientific fact...which, are there really any, to begin with anyway? I mean I know that there like "are," but haven't established laws of physics of mathematics been broken before or no? Otherwise, they wouldn't have been deemed to have been "established," I guess. You'll have to pardon me, I'm just in a very "weird place" mentally. 

For example, we have the classic "Correlation does not imply causation" thingy, which I'll just paste here for "our convenience" via one of my faves, Wikipedia:

Also, I feel, you sort of have to be crazy to do what I do "for a living." I'd say you have to be "certifiable" to do what I do and to be who I am. It's sort of like your "entrance ticket" to the party. It's like a pre-requisite to doing what it is that I do (much of which I'm not "really" allowed to talk about, but that's also a tricky and highly complex subject in and of itself), it also just overloads my brain. I mean, let's just "pretend" that my brain is like some sort of quantum computer (yes, I know what you're thinking), but I just don't have enough RAM to like process all of this information at once. 

Pardon my incoherent psychobabble and pontificating "nonsense," I should probably say. Anyway, I really just don't think it's "my fault." It sort of "is what it is," per below. It's a process and this "entire thing" will be a "process," but I think, in the end, it'll make sense and I'll be able to tie it all together for you. It won't be perfect, far from it. I have to remember some of the lessons I've learned in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and, for me, one of the main things that I have to constantly, constantly remind myself of, on a daily basis, (or at least remember to try my best to remind myself of), is that "perfect is the enemy of good." It's not going to be perfect. Far from it. It just has to be good. Actually, I'd say, it just has to be "good enough" to get the job done and that remains TBD. 

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